It's been so long since I have updated, but today I am taking the big step forward.
On March 4th 2009, my dearest friend in my whole wide world was found dead in her unit.
At the age of 45 her life ended so suddenly and my life came crashing down.
We have since found out it was her heart, but that doesn't make it any easier.
She was there for me everyday for the past 11 years, godmother to my children and a big part of our family.
We were supposed to grow old as friends, we joked about what colour rinse we would have in our hair and who would Harry be pushing around the shops in a wheelchair.
We never talked about death and yet now I have to explain to my beautiful boy what it all means.
He adored her so much, it breaks my heart that he will miss out on so much.
That we will miss out on so much with her.
Cattie, I miss you so much. I know you are with our little princess, that is the only saving grace.
Why is life so unfair, you were so happy, you had your new car and your career was going so well. I struggle to think how I will ever be the same person without you here.
Watch over me, guide me to a better place and keep us safe.
You will forever be in my heart xx